A dread for own greatness as a projection of the dread for the greatness of the universe.

What a runaway wildness,

as if sex-drugs-rock 'n' roll, live-fast-die-young and stuff like that….. and on the contrary it aroused a certain strength from within to be -- on the outside -- just like that, no-matter-what-kind-of, lousy, clumsy, any, while inside surrender into the depth of horror when you give up a narcotic…….

and to dissolve in the stream of energy, no matter how strong it was without a need to ground, because you don't give a damn

if the outer space will suck you in, so let it be

As desperately as you can throw yourself into a drunk oblivion or a narcotic euphoria you can plunge into the ocean of conciseness and all the truth that scares you……

because that's how narcotic leads you out of mind borders

and that's how passionately you want to jump there

get out of the borders at last

without a fear of what it can do to you

this was the beauty of rock stars who were drinking and destroying themselves.

But consciousness scares more then any narcotic and allures stronger because its effect doesn't go

drowned in it once, you can never come back again.

this is the dread of what you are capable of.